Somehow I lost myself?

When did this happen to me??

Who would have thought that my daily concerns would ever be, how many times did Sienna poop, what color were they, hard of soft? When the moment came and she rolled over, the excitement that took over my mind and body was as if I just bought a brand new home or got a masters degree.... I always wondered why my friends with children were so "consumed" with talking about their kids achievements, I swore I would never be that person.

Have I become "uncool"? I remember when going to the beach to go surfing and have some afternoon drinks was the best way to spend a Saturday... every month going to a concert or traveling to the keys was the way to live it up... Now it's become a world of what family member will we spend time with, let's go to the park, is Sienna having a good day or bad day... "look at what Sienna did today" our lives have become all about this precious gift... I don't even remember the last time I went out for a girls night out, a pedicure, to a Magic game, watched my favorite college football team for an entire game, bought something just for me... and what boggles my mind the most is that I don't care.

When did this happen to me? Somewhere between the beginning of the pregnancy up to now, I have lost myself to this baby girl.... I have slowly begun to see it, now that the around the clock middle of the night breast feedings have come to an end, the crying spells in the the afternoon have turned to spells of laughter and play time, the not being able to go anywhere without her because breastfed babies feed every 2 hours... and now that she is on solids and can drink from a cup leaving her with my husband to go grocery shopping or run errands isn't impossible. She consumes my daily thoughts and I wouldn't change it for the world.. but I can't lose my identity, I won't allow this to happen to me. I have to still manage to be me and a mom, not just a mom.

I feel much better putting this out into the world, now I have written it, I know what to do. I will be the best mom, wife, daughter but I will not lose that individuality that I gained in my 30 years of life... I will vow to still travel, it will be different, but it must be done. I will still go to concerts and scope out the basement bands at our favorite hole in the wall bar... I will still find me time with my girlfriends and while doing all of those things I know all the while Sienna will be in my head, she is my first thought in the morning and my last thought before bed and I wouldn't change it for all the great waves to catch, trips to Europe, or all the money in the world.

Being a mom

So, I have always made fun of people who blogged. I thought who in the world has that much time on their hands to sit and post daily or even weekly?? And how arrogant of someone to think that what they have to say will be read and followed by hundreds of people in the vast space of the Internet. Well, I guess I am now a hypocrite.

There is nothing on this earth that can compare to being a mom. No one will ever understand it until it happens to them. I remember being out at restaurants or even movies and thinking to myself "Shut that kid up" Why on earth are they out with their baby, if all it's doing is crying??

Well now I get it. If everyone that had children stayed home, there would be a spike in murder/suicides across the country. Yes, I said it. As parents you have to get out of the house, even if it might involve public screaming, and those single people who are so jaded and have no clue what unconditional love means and never will until they experience having a child... give you those glares, or look at you and roll their eyes... I feel sad for them. I never wanted kids... or so I thought, then I met the right person, fell in love, got married, and here I am 4 yrs later with a daughter.

To all you single people (when I say single, I mean those of you without kids) enjoy the time you have, don't be so quick to judge parents who are out of the house with their screaming kids, yes some places are totally inappropriate to bring children... and I too shake my head when I see someone out at 3am with their child... But for the most part kids will be kids, you were once that screaming child, while your parents tried to console you and received the death stare, one day you will have children (if you want them that is) and then maybe, you just might have a deeper understanding of what it takes to truly sacrifice for someone else, what unconditional love really means, and that life didn't really start to begin until your child came into your life.