Somehow I lost myself?

When did this happen to me??

Who would have thought that my daily concerns would ever be, how many times did Sienna poop, what color were they, hard of soft? When the moment came and she rolled over, the excitement that took over my mind and body was as if I just bought a brand new home or got a masters degree.... I always wondered why my friends with children were so "consumed" with talking about their kids achievements, I swore I would never be that person.

Have I become "uncool"? I remember when going to the beach to go surfing and have some afternoon drinks was the best way to spend a Saturday... every month going to a concert or traveling to the keys was the way to live it up... Now it's become a world of what family member will we spend time with, let's go to the park, is Sienna having a good day or bad day... "look at what Sienna did today" our lives have become all about this precious gift... I don't even remember the last time I went out for a girls night out, a pedicure, to a Magic game, watched my favorite college football team for an entire game, bought something just for me... and what boggles my mind the most is that I don't care.

When did this happen to me? Somewhere between the beginning of the pregnancy up to now, I have lost myself to this baby girl.... I have slowly begun to see it, now that the around the clock middle of the night breast feedings have come to an end, the crying spells in the the afternoon have turned to spells of laughter and play time, the not being able to go anywhere without her because breastfed babies feed every 2 hours... and now that she is on solids and can drink from a cup leaving her with my husband to go grocery shopping or run errands isn't impossible. She consumes my daily thoughts and I wouldn't change it for the world.. but I can't lose my identity, I won't allow this to happen to me. I have to still manage to be me and a mom, not just a mom.

I feel much better putting this out into the world, now I have written it, I know what to do. I will be the best mom, wife, daughter but I will not lose that individuality that I gained in my 30 years of life... I will vow to still travel, it will be different, but it must be done. I will still go to concerts and scope out the basement bands at our favorite hole in the wall bar... I will still find me time with my girlfriends and while doing all of those things I know all the while Sienna will be in my head, she is my first thought in the morning and my last thought before bed and I wouldn't change it for all the great waves to catch, trips to Europe, or all the money in the world.